I Got Lost Trying To Find Myself (And Why I Started Over)

For a long time, I made my hobbies my identity. Especially after becoming a mom so young, I was lost, confused, and had no Idea who I was, what I wanted to do, or the direction in which my life was going. So, every time I found something new, I thought “This is who I am.”

Somewhere along the way I started to realize I didn’t need more hobbies I wasn’t looking for more things to enjoy; I was searching for who I was. This blog is the beginning of this journey.

When I was younger, I had a plan for exactly how my life was supposed to look, what age I was going to hit my goals at, and when I would be at certain places in my life. Let me tell you I couldn’t be farther from where that little girl in me expected her life to be like.

I have judged, criticized, and beat myself up for it for years. I’d look at other people social media especially people I went to school with and realized I didn’t have a career like these people, and I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do next.

In reality I had accomplished so much, I built, open, and ran a coffee shop from the ground up in a small town and sold it a year after when I wanted to go back to school and finish getting a degree.

Thus, another problem arose because I was going to a private art school that closed down 2 quarters later, a year before I would have graduated with a bachelors. Now with no degree, nothing to show for all the knowledge I had obtained and no money to restart at a new school I was lost.

I started working at a job that I ended up not liking because the pressure and the hours I had to work. But it was here that I met the love of my life and built a loving, stable, secure home for me and my son.

At the time I felt lost, because I didn’t have a degree or a career that I wanted for the rest of my life at 25 when I felt I should have had it all figured out, but I did have love and family. That has always been most important to me in life and here I was looking over it because not everything in my life was perfect.

Then I started going backwards, falling into the past me again. For years when I was younger, I wanted to be a realtor, so I quit my job spent thousands of dollars getting licensed and started real estate only to be more unhappy doing that! I HATED it.

I was discouraged after that and didn’t want to try anything new because I worried about what people would think about me. I was telling my best friend “But I’m always doing something different people are going to judge me or think I failed and not support me.” She told me then and I’ll never forget this because it changed my mindset, “I think it’s beautiful you have the courage to change your life and try new things versus being unhappy because it’s stable".

At this point I started trying to turn hobbies into careers and my personality, but that only made me feel more lost. I was treating my identity as hobbies not descriptions of who I actually was.

One day I was overwhelmed thinking of all the hobbies, goals, certifications, and unfinished dreams and realized I had spent years collecting identities but still didn’t know myself.

I had to start defining myself not for what am I, but what do I do? Ex) I’m not a Painter, I’m a Creator.

See the thing is, over all the hobbies I was trying to turn into ME: photographer, social media creator, painter, nutritionist, writer, etc. I found a common theme.

I was none of these things. That’s what I like to do, not who I am. These themes consisted of possibility, building, freedom, learning, creating, and helping others. To which I realized it’s not about discovering the thing I’ll do forever, it’s to build a life that always has room for these things.

Starting over for me was realizing this as well as slowly changing my life by being more intentional with how I was building it. I started walking daily, changing my mindset by doing daily gratitude, nourishing my body, creating without the pressure, and learning who I was outside of productivity.

A big reason for my journey with sharing this with you today is I lost my big sister earlier this year. It made me realize how easy it can be to slowly lose yourself. Not all at once but little by little. Through stress, responsibilities, disappointments, self-doubt, life changes, or simply forgetting to care for your own needs while taking care of everyone else’s.

Reflecting on that helped me realize I had spent years searching for happiness in accomplishments, hobbies, goals, and titles when what I was really searching for was a deeper connection with myself.

That realization became one of the driving forces behind my journey toward healthier habits, intentional living, learning, creativity, and personal growth.

Ultimately, it’s one of the reasons Soulful Nourishment Studio exists today.

If you are reading this and feel lost too, I want you to know that you are not alone and you don’t have to have everything figured out.

You don’t need another hobby, certification, or perfectly planned life.

Sometimes finding yourself begins by slowing down long enough to hear your own voice again.

If you took the time to read this thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is a piece of me. For so long I stayed quiet because I was afraid of judgement, failing, and being seen. But I finally realized that the life I dream about requires courage.

My hope in sharing this journey of getting lost and finding my way back to myself, another woman might feel inspired to do the same. So, thank you again for reading this, supporting me, and giving my dream a chance.

If you know a woman who can benefit from this, please share it.

Love ~Katelyn.